As a Georgia Tech alumni, I have developed an easy to follow 323 step process to help guide new engineers through their scholastic career at the North Avenue Trade School. Please continue below.
1. Move in to dorm
2. Go to the Kroger with the back entrance off of North Avenue
3. After fearing for life, go to the Howell-Mill Kroger
4. Buy $20 worth of ramen noodles and a 6 pack of coke
5. Return home and find no room available in the refrigerator for you coke
6. Go to the Georgia Tech book store
7. Leave and go to the Engineer’s Bookstore
8. Purchase $500 in used textbooks
9. Study
10. Go to sleep at 10:30 PM
11. Wake up for an 8:00 AM class at 6:30 AM
12. Shower and brush teeth
13. Put on a clean pair of blue jeans
14. Go to first day of class
15. Study
16. Go to chemistry lab
17. Study
18. Eat cooked ramen
19. Study
20. Go to sleep at 10:30 PM
21. Repeat steps 11 to 20 for a few weeks, then proceed to step 22 below
22. Wake up for 8:00 AM class at 7:45 AM
23. Neglect the act of showering and brushing teeth
24. Attempt to find pants that do not smell like chemistry lab
25. Go to class, wearing pants that smell like chemistry lab
26. Study
27. Go to chemistry lab
28. While in lab, spill hexane an your lab notebook and dissolve your notes vital to writing your lab report
29. Study
30. Go to Kroger and float a $0.38 check for some ramen
31. Discover your ramen bowl is missing
32. Eat dry ramen with a warm coke
33. Study
34. Go to sleep at 1:30 AM
35. Wake up to the sounds of an ultimate Frisbee game at 2:57 AM
36. Go to back sleep at 3:30 AM
37. When you wake up, discover why you shouldn’t eat dry ramen (ouch!)
38. Repeat steps 22 through 37 for a few weeks, then proceed to step 39 below
39. Go to sleep already dressed for class, regardless of smell
40. Wake up for 8:00 AM class at 8:15 AM
41. Temporarily abstain from hygienic behavior
42. No need to get dressed, you already are
43. Go to class
44. Study for test in second class while in first class
45. Study
46. Start test in second class
47. Fail test in second class
48. Go to chemistry lab
49. Lose all camphor powder from Hersch Funnel due to accidental sneeze
50. Look for teacher’s assistant to explain the loss of your product
51. Locate teacher’s flirting with the one girl in the class
52. Fail to get teacher’s assistant attention away from the one girl
53. Recover a fraction of a milligram of camphor product
54. Leave lab
55. Study
56. Go to Steak and Shake at 11:00 pm to drown your sorrows with calories
57. Listen to your management major friends talk about their dating life and ultimate frisbee games
58. Die a little bit inside
59. Consume more calories
60. Go home at 1:30 AM
61. Study
62. Go to sleep at 2:15 AM
63. Proceed with steps 39 through 62 until end of last class on Friday, then proceed to step 57 below
64. Finish last class on Friday
65. Study
66. Round up your friends to do something Friday night
67. Discover all your friends are too busy studying to do anything
68. Study
69. Go to bed at 10:30 PM
70. Wake up at 11:30 AM on Saturday (if you’re not sleeping for at least 13 hours on Friday night, you’re getting too much sleep the rest of the week)
71. Study and work on lab report
72. Cook ramen
73. Study and work on lab report
74. Rediscover your friend hygiene
75. Gather laundry
76. Proceed to GT laundry room
77. Discover 50% of washers currently washing clothes
78. Discover 50% of washers currently filled with wet clothes but done washing, however the owner of the clothes is nowhere to be found
79. Study approximately one hour
80. Once a washer becomes available, load clothes into washers
81. Study
82. Due to availability constraints, load clothes into half as many driers as required to dry clothes
83. Study
84. Discover clothes still wet
85. Restart dryer
86. Study
87. Discover clothes still wet
88. Restart dryer
89. Study
90. Discover clothes still wet
91. Attempt to restart dryer, discover that you are out of buzz-funds
92. Remove wet clothes from dryer
93. Return to dorm room
94. Study and work on lab report
95. Put away wet clothes
96. Discover that the law of conservation of mass does not apply to socks
97. Study and work on lab report
98. Go to sleep at approximately 10:30 PM
99. Wake up at 9:00 AM to go to church
100. Shower and brush teeth
101. Put on wet khakis and flip-flops
102. Go to church wearing wet khakis and flip-flops
103. Return from church, irate that your management major friends are spending the afternoon eating lunch at Chili’s and going to centennial park
104. Study and work on lab report
105. Begin to work exclusively on lab report at 6:00 PM
106. Seriously, the report is due Monday, work on the lab report!
107. Eat dry ramen at 7:00 PM
108. Work on lab report
109. Work on lab report past midnight
110. Continue to work on lab report past 3:00 AM
111. Finish lab report at 5:30 AM
112. Print 30-page lab report
113. Discover a catastrophic error once report is printed, throw 30 pages away
114. Fix error, re-print report
115. Run out of paper
116. Print last 3 pages of the report on the back of a class syllabus
117. Go to sleep at 6:30 AM
118. Wake up for 8:00 AM class at 10:30 AM
119. Rediscover why you shouldn’t eat dry ramen
120. Go straight to lab
121. Turn in lab report
122. Get a failing grade on your lab report
Alternative Schedule for Various Weekends in the Fall Semester
Proceed through step 74 and then do the following:
75. Proceed to football game
76. Lose voice
77. Develop a hatred for anything wearing white and black stripes
78. Gather abandoned cups at end of game for which to cook ramen within
79. Proceed through steps 97 through 122 above, then proceed to step 123 below
123. Study for test in 8:00 AM class
124. Study past midnight
125. Study past 2:00 AM
126. Study past 5:00 AM
127. Go to bed at 7:3… actually just forget it, play Smash Brothers for 10 minutes instead
128. Forgo the theory of hygiene
129. Arrive at 8:00 AM class at 7:55 AM
130. Study like the wind for 5 minutes
131. Begin test
132. Fail test
133. Head to your car to drive to Steak and Shake
134. Discover that somebody has intentionally slashed your tire
135. Walk to the GT police department
136. File a report
137. Put on your miniature spare tire, and proceed to Steak and Shake
138. Proceed through steps 123 to 137 until the last two weeks of classes, then proceed to step 139 below
139. Study for 8:00 AM test tomorrow until 7:00 PM
140. Eat dry ramen
141. Begin on homework for the same class, that is due the same day of the test, that deals with concepts that aren’t even on the test
142. Halfway through the homework, give up and give it the finger
143. At 12:00 AM, begin writing lab report
144. At 7:50 AM, download what you currently have written for you lab report to your flash drive
145. Get dressed
146. Hygiene?
147. Find yourself sitting on your throne wondering why you continue to eat dry ramen
148. Proceed to 8:00 AM test
149. Begin test
150. Fail Test
151. Head to computer lab to finish lab report and skip second class
152. Discover that you have a test in the second class today as well (you would have known that if you hadn’t printed a lab report on your syllabus and given it away)
153. Work on lab report for 40 minutes, study as if possessed by a demon for 5 minutes
154. Begin second test
155. Fail second test
156. Head back to computer lab
157. Type with the strength and the ferocity of the four horsemen of the apocalypse
158. Discover that you neglected to turn in your partially completed homework for your first class, despite spending several hours on it
159. Cry
160. Finish a half-assed lab report
161. Attempt to print report in computer lab, receive a printing error
162. Attempt to print report in computer lab, receive a printing error
163. Attempt to print report in computer lab, receive a printing error
164. Attempt to print report in computer lab, receive a printing error
165. Pick up three copies of your lab report
166. Borrow a stapler from your friend
167. Proceed to lab
168. Turn in lab report
169. Get a failing grade on your lab report
170. While in lab, spill only God knows what on your pants and note the new yellow stain on your blue jeans
171. Accidentally break a micro-test-tube in your hand and cut yourself while trying to clean the spill
172. Accidentally boil off all of your product while attending to your wound
173. Find your teacher’s assistant to explain your evaporated product
174. Accomplish nothing, but at least you bled on him a little bit
175. Finish a four hour lab after five and a half hours
176. Get charged $50 for breaking a “micro” test tube
177. Proceed to the computer lab to study
178. Discover the fourth copy of your lab report on the printer
179. Study
180. Go home and continue studying
181. Repeat steps 139 through 180 for an indefinite period, then proceed to step 182 below
182. Go to Steak and Shake
183. After consuming more calories in one sitting than most people do in a month, and more grease than most people do in a lifetime, proceed to the last week of class below in step 184
184. Attempt to do laundry at 2:12 AM so you don’t have to wait for a washer and dryer
185. Discover you have no buzz funds
186. Grab a bottle of Febreze
187. Douse your shirt and pants with the stuff
188. Hang them off your windowsill for the night
189. Wake up at 8:15 AM for your 8:00 AM class
190. Do you even know where your toothbrush is at this point?
191. Grab your clothes of the windowsill
192. Discover your pants have gone missing
193. Wear dirty pants that have been stained yellow by something in chemistry lab, and that smell like a veterinarian’s office
194. Go to your first class, where the professor is giving a review for the final
195. Unfortunately, the review consists only of questions that the students ask the professor
196. Observe as nobody ask questions, and class lets out after two minutes
197. Study in the computer lab
198. Go to your second class, where the professor is giving a review for the final
199. Unfortunately, the review consists only of questions that the students ask the professor
200. Observe as somebody asks the question “What do we need to know for the final?”
201. Observe as the professor replies “it’s on your syllabus”
202. Vow to yourself to keep more paper around next semester
203. Observe as class lets out after three minutes
204. Study in the computer lab
205. Mysteriously discover a fifth copy of one of your lab reports on the printer
206. Go to chemistry lab to find out the grade of your last lab report
207. Discover your grade
208. Steak and Shake
209. Study
210. Sleep Friday night
211. Study
212. Sleep Saturday night
213. Study
214. Finish studying for two finals on Monday at about 5:20 AM Monday morning
215. Go to sleep at 6:00 AM
216. Wake up for 8:00 AM final at 8:02 AM
217. Fly out of bed grabbing a pencil and a calculator and hopefully a pair of pants
218. Move to the final exam with a speed and determination unsurpassed by even the most conditioned Olympic athlete
219. Arrive at final at 8:05 AM
220. Realize that you just finished a 15 minute journey in only 3 minutes
221. Realize that the professor isn’t even there yet, so you busted your butt for nothing
222. Study
223. Observe as the professor shows up at 8:30 AM with final
224. Begin final exam
225. Observe as the professor collects the exams at 12:30 PM, the entire class has only half completed the exam
226. Fail final exam
227. Rush to next final exam at 1:00 PM
228. Arrive at class at 12:45 PM only to discover a copy of the syllabus on the door saying that the final exam is in a different room
229. Realize that if somebody made a movie of your life right now, it would be rated R for graphic language
230. Arrive at proper room for final exam with 10 minutes to spare at 12:50 PM
231. Discover final exam already in progress
232. Begin final exam
233. Fail final exam
234. Commence mental health breakdown
235. Decide that you will not study in any way shape or form for your last final, since it doesn’t do you any good anyway
236. Go home and play Smash Brothers
237. Go out and try to find a girl to flirt with
238. Find a girl to flirt with
239. Discover girl is infected with TBS
240. Search for another girl to flirt with
241. From her backside, find a girl with a good figure and long flowing hair outside of the college of computing
242. Discover it’s actually a man with a beard when he turns around
243. Apologize to your penis
244. Give up, and go back home to play Smash Brothers
245. Realize that you haven’t had a shower in 2 weeks
246. Play Smash Brothers
247. Eat Ramen
248. Play Smash Brothers
249. Shower and brush your teeth
250. Go to Steak and Shake
251. Get back home at 2:00 AM
252. Discover your long lost pants that fell from your windowsill two weeks ago
253. Play Smash Brothers
254. Go to bed at 4:00 AM
255. Wake up for a 1:00 PM final at 11:30 AM
256. Shower and brush your teeth
257. Put on clean clothes
258. Proceed to your last final with a relaxed apathy
259. Note the clear blue sky, birds singing, squirrels playing on the way to the final
260. Enjoy the music on your iPod Nano
261. Arrive for 1:00 PM final at 12:55 PM
262. Discover room is already full with people all studying
263. Suddenly become filled with a incommunicable terror
264. Read through an entire textbook and three months worth of class notes in three minutes
265. Read through everything again twice in the next two minutes
266. Begin last final exam at 1:00 PM
267. Fail last final exam
268. Go home and gather your useless textbooks for the semester
269. Proceed to the textbook buyback line
270. Wait in line for about an hour holding 50 lbs worth of books
271. Marvel at the organized chaos of everybody packing up to go home
272. Realize that half of your friends are staying the rest of the week, just to play Smash Brothers with each other
273. Finally sell back your books
274. Make $12.50 back from your $500 worth of books
275. Spend $12.50 at Steak and Shake
276. Go home
277. Play Smash Brothers
278. Pack for the trip to your parent’s house
279. Go to bed at 1:30 AM
280. Wake up the next morning at 11:30 AM
281. Gather the first load to take to your car
282. Discover your car has been broken into
283. Curse urban living and long for the suburban days of your youth
284. Walk to the GT police department
285. File a report
286. Clean broken glass out of car and cover window with a trash bag and duck tape
287. Load car
288. If moving out for the semester, continue with step 289 below, otherwise, skip to step 298
289. Clean your empty dorm room
290. Go get the guy that’s supposed to check you out
291. Proceed to check out
292. Discover that your bed frame has been broken since you first moved in
293. Explain that you didn’t break the bed frame, it was like that since you first moved in
294. Be fined an abhorrent amount of money for a broken bed frame
295. Turn in your key and load the last little bit of your worldly possessions into a 1995 Camaro
296. Marvel that you were able to fit all your worldly possessions into a Camaro!
297. Cry, because you are able to fit all your worldly possessions into a Camaro
298. Drive away from campus
299. Wait in line to fill up your tank at an overpriced BP station
300. Fill up
301. Note the urban biker gang with bikes that sound like bees gathering to your left
302. After filling up, move your car up to the convenience store to buy a diet coke
303. Note the police officer guarding the entrance to the convenience store
304. Feel uncomfortable
305. Float a check for $ 1.78 to buy a coke and leave store
306. Note that a crack addict has parked next to you and is leaning on the back of his car having mild to moderate convulsions
307. Avoid running over the crack addict while leaving the gas station
308. Sit in traffic on the way to the freeway
309. Be asked for money by a stranger wearing nicer clothes than you, or at least lest stained-by-chemistry-lab clothes than you
310. Say that you have no money (you did just float a check for $1.78)
311. Proceed to have your car window beat on by the well dressed stranger
312. Thank the deity of your choice that he’s not on the side with a trash bag window
313. Wish that you had a gun
314. After 30 minutes of sitting through one light, merge onto the freeway
315. Spend 60 minutes going 2 miles on I-75/85 (freeway my ass!)
316. Let various individuals know that they are number one when they cut you off
317. Merge onto I-20
318. Proceed several miles on I-20 with heavy but flowing traffic
319. Spend 60 minutes going 2 miles on I-20 once you reach the junction with I-285
320. Leave the perimeter
321. Deal with I-20 road construction for the next 100 miles
322. Get to your parent’s house, and wait for your grades to be posted
Hope that helps. Go Jackets.
-Billy
Circa December 20, 2009